Disability etiquette is simply good manners for interacting with people with disabilities. Most of this is common sense (Oh yeah, I should have known that). A few disability specific items (Oh wow, I never knew that) will help you avoid awkward situations.
Relax, be yourself. This is the most important point.
Treat people with disabilities the same as you would any other person. If you’re shaking hands or hugging everyone else, do the same with them.
With this or any other situation where you feel uncertain or uncomfortable around a person with a disability, simply ask them if you can shake their hand, hug them or whatever is the issue.
Being around someone who is nervous or trying to be too politically correct is uncomfortable for everyone.
Many people worry about saying the wrong thing. Lots of common phrases that you might think would be offensive to someone because of the disability, are actually not offensive at all.
Like:
Talking to any person who is blind or visually impaired and saying…
You should have seen that; See what I mean; See you later.
Talking to a person in a wheelchair and saying…
I bet you could have kicked yourself; You’ve got to stand up to be counted; Got to run.
I hope you would not take offense when I end a conversation saying, “Got to roll.”
Humor can often be useful in an awkward situation.
I remember only a few months after returning from rehab for my broken neck. Mom was in the kitchen doing something and we were chatting. I joked about doing something and her reply was “You do that and I’ll break your neck.”
She came running out of the kitchen mortified at what she had said and stammering a string of apologizes. I’m sitting there laughing saying, “Too late, I’ve already done it!”
Here are a few ‘Don’t’ for you.
- Don’t ask personal questions like: What happened to you? Have you always been that way?
- We’ve all answered these questions way too many times. Plus not everyone is comfortable talking about personal information like this with a stranger.
- Don’t bring it up the disability if is not relevant to the conversation.
- Don’t tell them about knowing someone with a similar disability unless it is relevant to the conversation.
- If you have a friend with a disability you want to talk about, don’t expect us to know them simply because we both have disabilities. Even if it is similar disabilities.
- Don’t say something like, “I know what it’s like to be in a wheelchair. I broke my leg and had to use one for six weeks.” It is not the same experience.
- Don’t prop or lean on someone’s wheelchair. That is an invasion of personal space and a nuisance if the person wants to move.
- Don’t try to become someone’s caregiver.
- Asking if someone needs help is fine. Repeatedly asking can become annoying.
- Instead tell them, “I’ll be glad to help you if you need anything. Just feel free to ask me.”
- Don’t talk louder to anyone with a disability, unless they ask you to speak up.
- Don’t bend over or kneel in front someone in a wheelchair when you talk to them.
- You may be trying to be considerate. Unfortunately because this posture is normally used when addressing children.
- Some people will feel you are being condescending when you address them in this manner.
Here are a few ‘Do’s’ for you.
- When talking to someone with a visual impairment always introduce yourself and anyone with you.
- When preparing to talk to someone with a hearing impairment who is not looking at you. It is alright to lightly touch someone on the arm or tap them on the shoulder to get their attention.
- When talking to a deaf person with an interpretator, always look at and speak to the person.
- The interpretator is performing a service, not participating in the conversation.
- Though it is polite to thank the interpretator at the end of the conversation.
- To learn to say thank you in ASL is easy. Here is the sign for thank you.
- When talking to a small person or someone in a wheelchair for more than just a few minutes, look for a place to sit down to the eye level with them. Squat or kneel beside them if no place to sit is convenient.
- This is particularly important for women.
- Normally when my neck gets tired from looking up, I must take a moment to look straight ahead. This means I am looking straight into a woman’s chest.
- Ladies, please help me not to look rude and sit down when you talk to me.
For additional information see the ADA Network fact sheet Customer Service for Business.
