Life can truly change in an instant. The week after my 15th birthday in 1972 I went swimming in the creek. Preparing to dive from a tree my foot slipped, my dive went askew, and my life as a quadriplegic began in an instant. Now I have gone on to live an incredible life, but it did not start that way.
The two and half years I spent at home after rehab was the darkest period of my life. Physically it was quite a struggle to adapt to my diminished abilities. Initially, I had no function or sensation from right below my nipples down. It literally felt like most of my body was missing. Even though I could feel my hands, I could barely use them. Acceptance of life as a quadriplegic did not come easy and my greatest struggle may have been with depression.
Accessibility was a novel concept in 1972. I had to finish my last three years of high school with a visiting teacher who came to our home twice a week. She witnessed my downward spiral. Seeing the state I was in, she got a psychologist to come visit me.
He was a young long-haired cool guy. We got along well and he taught me self-hypnosis. Times when I needed to be mentally tough, this was an incredibly useful tool. Many of my achievements in life have come from being determined and mentally tough.
Learning to Cope
Sadness and depression is a regular part of life. Clinical depression is when the spiral down goes beyond the normal range of depression. I know that spiral too well!
Trying to fight this spiral is like trying to swim against a riptide. It will wear you out and can kill you. Though the methods vary, people do drown in depression.
Learning the skills to cope it is hard. I know why some lose the fight. I have lost friends and I have been suicidal too. It is a very dark and lonely place where you see absolutely no way out. Like surviving a riptide, I’ve learned not to fight it head-on. In a riptide, you swam a laterally to a safe place. In a depressive spiral, I’ve learned to focus on mentally swimming to a safe place.
Coping with depression is a struggle. Learning to stop, use my coping skills to gain some control of myself is critical. For me, being able to stop the emotional reaction and intellectually analyze the situation allows me to prevent it from becoming a self-destructive struggle with myself. What work for you may be different.
Once you find your way back from that abyss, it is time to appreciate the beauty of life and look to the future. Recognize you now have the strength and the skills to successfully fight back the next time the downward spiral begins. Like most things in life, a bit of confidence is often the difference between success and failure.
Living as a quad is not easy. This world is not designed to accommodate me and my wheelchair. Pain and frustration is still too much a part of my daily life. These problems do not control my life because I make a conscious choice to daily look for the positive things in life. I consider myself more of a realistic than an optimist. An optimist is like my friend Dom. He not only sees the glass is half full, but he expects to get a refill too. I look at the half-full glass to say, This is what I have so what can I do with it.
I encourage you to look at your life to see and appreciate what you have. Everyone has positives and negatives in their life. Appreciate the positive things. Don’t ignore the negatives, but consider is there anything you can do to mitigate them. Consider what you can do to make the best of what you have. When you’re a quadriplegic that is the best philosophy of life. It works for non-quads too. Try it!!!
I hope that you continue to have positive experiences and joy in your life!
After working through my grief, I am finding my life, my voice and my joy as well.
Please give your mother a hug for me as I think of her often and hope she is doing well.
Janet
Hi Tony,
I met you during our college years – so that was not too long after your accident. I’m reflecting now on how positive you were during those early years of coping with your situation as you navigated both the good and challenging times during those wild and crazy years of independence. You are a true example as to what a determined spirit and a positive attitude can do to dealing with depression and going on to live your dream. I love you my dear friend.